I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
