I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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