Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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