ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
