So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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