would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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