look no pants
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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