I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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