He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
