why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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