White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
