i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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