with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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