you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
