My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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