He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
