So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
