I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
