Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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