I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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