can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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