My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Come on in and take your pants off
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