i think i have herpe
just one?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
