there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
