i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
