capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize