My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize