I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
