the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
