I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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