I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
