he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
