do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
