Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
