Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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