dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
