I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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