I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
