Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
