So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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