You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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