How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
