Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
