Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
