Your mouth is God's brothel.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
