well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
