her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
