I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
