I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
