just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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