If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
