You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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