i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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