so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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