Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
