im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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