Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
