Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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