I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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