Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize