please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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