I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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