Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it because I queefed?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
