exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
