she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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