Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
