I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I could make wine with my vomit
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
