This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
