just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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