what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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