she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
