smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
