Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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