The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize