I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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