There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
