so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
