So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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