woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
