i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
only you would photoshop your dick
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
