Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
