I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
