ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
