My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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