I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
