Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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