I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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